In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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