My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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