I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
