i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
