we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
