she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
