my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
