this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
