My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
