No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
