Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
