So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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