Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
