If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
