Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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