he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
