Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
