At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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