He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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