I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
