so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
