Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
