sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
