remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
