we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
