In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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