He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
