his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We named our party play list daddy issues
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
