She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
