I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
