if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
