I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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