If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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