smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
