fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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