Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
