Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
