I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
