:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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