I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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