You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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