is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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