I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
