can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
