Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
