ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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