So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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