Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
