I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
