I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
