my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
