I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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